FELL FAMILY, NEWBORN SESSION | ST. PAUL
A friend sent me a photo of my youngest as a baby today. It reminded me of the big muscles he had as a baby and it also triggered something, because I don't really remember the photo well, or even the day that the photo was taken. I mentioned to her that I barely remember those days; the days with a toddler and baby. I mean, I remember being happy and loving on my babies as much as I possibly could. I remember trying to be very PRESENT because I could feel the time flying by. I also remember being insecure and wondering if I was doing a good enough job. Most of all, I remember constantly feeling like if I was helping one child, I was failing the other. I think back to the amount of times I had to tell my two year old to hang tight because I was feeding, changing, or calming her baby brother. Although that sentiment goes both ways, it was always my first born I felt sorry for. She was always the center of attention, but baby brother was born into sharing. Not long after, my little mini-me turned into a daddy's girl and it about broke me. I used to be the one she needed at bedtime and I used to be the favorite. But as I watch my now 5 year old and 2.5 year old navigate the world, it's much easier to realize that I'm a really good mom. Sure, I feel like a failure 75% of the time because that's just what the good parents do, we doubt ourselves. That 25% of the time, though? I'm killin' it. If you just added another baby into your life and it feels like your first baby just grew up a whole bunch, it's going to be okay. Before you know it, your kids will turn into buddies. They'll definitely fight, but they'll also scream, "I love you!" as one is running off to school. Your heart really does grow once you have another child, it doesn't divide. I promise you'll feel that more and more as the time goes by.
These are photos of the sweet Fell family from January! I started looking through these and it made me think even more about the above. Enjoy <3